Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Electroshock Therapy

In my never-ending battle for truth, justice, and the answer to why the covers hurt my legs at night, I have enlisted ANOTHER of a seemingly endless supply of doctors and specialists, this time a well-trained Neurosurgeon.

Her suggestion -- Electroshock therapy and Accupuncture.



More accurately, I'm scheduled for two "high-tech" tests. The first is called Nerve Conduction Velocity, which involves sending electric shocks into my legs and measuring how long it takes the shocks to move up and down the leg. The second, is called Electromyography, which also I believe includes electric shock, delivered through "really thin needles" stuck into my leg muscles while I flex those same muscles.

Both tests are said to involve "minor discomfort", or be "slightly uncomfortable". Hey, if it helps us figure out what's wrong, they can do whatever they want.

It's supposed to be 45-60 minutes of nonstop fun -- so long as John McCain doesn't find out, because I'm certain this is against the Geneva Convention and the new anti-torture regulations.

3 comments:

Melissa said...

Charles, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I had that done last November on my arm.

They are LYING to you. Get someone to drive you to this appoinment, becuase I had it done on my arm to test for cubital tunnel syndrome and not only was it the most painful experience of my life but I could not use my arm for several hours afterwards. I couldn't hold stuff effectively and my arm shook.

Now, the Nerve Conduction Velocity is not bad. It is a different feeling if you have never had increasing amounts of electicity shot through your body, but not terribly painful. The needles- they are lying to you. "Minor" is relative to, say, having your legs sawn off using only a rusty spoon. They stick the needles in, and then they move them in various directions, but they tell you to try and keep them from moving the needles using the muscles that they have stuck the needle into. (For your sake, I hope this is only for the cubital tunnel testing)

It is 45-60 minutes, and it is probably against Geneva, but I got my results back within 5 days, and they can actually look at the results right there on the screen and give you a rough idea of what's up, although they need the time to do some analysis.

On the bright side, after about 3 hours, I was back to normal and attended class that evening. But it will be 1 hour of really, quite intense pain, followed by 3 hours of feeling quite odd. I hope everything turns out to be fine (or easily fixable) with you.

Best,
Melissa

James Young said...

I can't believe that no one beat me to the suggestion that they try it on your head! ;-)

Joe Budzinski said...

Gyaa! Dude, my heart goes out to you. Please let us know how you're doing when it's over - we'll be thinking of you and all of us old men know that any day now it will be one of us.