In my never-ending battle for truth, justice, and the answer to why the covers hurt my legs at night, I have enlisted ANOTHER of a seemingly endless supply of doctors and specialists, this time a well-trained Neurosurgeon.
Her suggestion -- Electroshock therapy and Accupuncture.
More accurately, I'm scheduled for two "high-tech" tests. The first is called Nerve Conduction Velocity, which involves sending electric shocks into my legs and measuring how long it takes the shocks to move up and down the leg. The second, is called Electromyography, which also I believe includes electric shock, delivered through "really thin needles" stuck into my leg muscles while I flex those same muscles.
Both tests are said to involve "minor discomfort", or be "slightly uncomfortable". Hey, if it helps us figure out what's wrong, they can do whatever they want.
It's supposed to be 45-60 minutes of nonstop fun -- so long as John McCain doesn't find out, because I'm certain this is against the Geneva Convention and the new anti-torture regulations.